Food on paper

Ever wondered what all the food and drink you had consumed in the past week would look like drawn on paper?

Neither had I - until I saw a story in Frankie about an artist who has done just that. (Eight weeks worth, in fact.)

It looks like a lot of food in picture form. Even worse than if you have ever kept a food diary. There's was no point to me doing so, as I would forget to add snacks and deemed some things ''unworthy'' of inclusion. Like a handful of MMs. Surely that can't count?!

Anyway, check out what Dawn has done on her blog. It reminds me of that BBC reality TV show You Are What You Eat where nutritionist Gillian McKeith makes her subject keep a food diary then lays out everything they eat in the past week. Usually it's a table full of burgers and takeout - it always makes you feel sick.

www.hand-made-love.blogspot.com/2010/06/frankie-feature.html

A cake of EPIC proportions.

This year it wasn't just any old birthday for me - it was the horrifyingly significant 3-0. On the upside, the end of an era (in this case my 20s) meant the beginning of a new cakey love.

At my sister's suggestion I ordered a passionate brownie chocolate cake from Le Petite Gateau in Little Collins Street, Melbourne. There was some discussion over the phone as to whether I should order the 40cm x 40cm or the one smaller. As I didn't want a single person to miss out on cake - what a terrible fate - I erred on the safe and more expensive side of the larger cake.

When I suggested picking it up and taking it to the birthday party venue on a train and tram Simon from Le Petite laughed. Oh, how he laughed. ''It's too big'', he explained. ''We don't even have a cake box big enough - we are giving you a crate.''

So I arranged a car, but the closest park I could get was two blocks away. Someone from the shop had to help me carry it - we got a few looks. This is what it looked like (minus the crate):

Now while looks are well and good, everybody knows in the end it's only taste that matters. Boy did this cake taste good. On the bottom was a brownie layer that was full of little crunchie bits which reminded me of rice bubbles. Then there was a thin layer of zesty passionfruit jelly, a thick layer of creamy choc mousse and, finally, a chocolate ganache. Mmmmm. Amazing really - and if you are wondering: Yes, I did eat this entire piece. Even though I was wearing a tight dress.

So the 30-year-old did live happily ever after.

The End.

Don't judge a dish by its... cover?

Burgers can get a bad rap.

I mean, they are in the fast food category so shouldn't be a daily treat. But a good burger is a world away from a typical burger. It's just a matter of finding where the hell they are.

If you are in Geelong, try out Texas Burgers on Mercer Street. They ain't fancy, but they are good.

And if you find yourself Launceston way, you can't go past Burger Got Soul on Charles Street. The name is so apt because here you can find yourself in burger heaven.

You choose the roll you like best - as you should be able to - and there are so many delectable combinations on the menu the only trouble you are likely to have is choosing which one to go for.

A favourite of mine is the Tassie Tempter - a classic combo of beef burger, egg, bacon and fresh crunchy salad items like cos lettuce, beetroot, tomato etc. What lifts this burger into the realms of nirvana is the small, extra touches - like homemade mayonnaise and tomato chutney.

Of course, it all comes down to the pattie - it must be tasty, not fatty. And these two joints tick that box.

Solving the Parma Puzzle

As a born and bred Victorian, I'd grown up assuming chicken parmigiana were revered the world over... but it turns out while they can be found across the nation, no one takes them as seriously as Melbourne pubs.
I can't live without a parma hit every now and then, though, so I'm officially on the hunt to find the best that Launceston has to offer.
The first I tried was at the Cock 'n' Bull British Pub last Friday night - but I'm afraid it got a fail.
The parma was thin and slightly overcooked. The sauce tasted as though it was crushed tomatoes straight out of a tin, with little flavour. The ham and cheese were passable, and it was served with fries - which I consider a far second behind thickly cut chips.
I was starving that night and the parma definitely hit the spot, but I won't be going back for another.
If you think you know where to find the best parma in Launceston and surrounds - don't be shy! Share it with me, and everybody else. Help make the world a better place.

Table for one?

On my wanderings around Tasmania I happened upon a Greek cafe called Kouklas, that has an enviable position facing the Tamar River about 25km north of Launceston.
It was no secret, either, going by the number of cars parked outside and the bustling dining room. But I decided to try my luck anyway, as I figured there must always be room for one more, small person.
"Is it possible to get a table for one?" I asked a friendly-looking waitress.
"No chance," she shot back.
I noted there were a few tables for two around the place, but assumed they were reserved. I wondered if the cafe did takeaway.
"Unless there's one outside?" She said, perhaps feeling sorry for me. But she checked, no such luck.
"Unless you want to share?!" She was happy at this idea.
"That depends..." I hesitated, thinking I would hate to impose upon a couple's romantic interlude.
"Oh," she misread my thoughts: "They're not good looking!"
We both laughed, and I did what she told me: followed and stood meekly by a table that seated an elderly couple while she asked them if they would have me. It was like waiting to see if you are going to be picked last in the school footy side.
They did agree and we made some idle chit chat, while they ate and I stared around at the walls... Two minutes later the same waitress appeared with another, even better, idea:
"There's a table outside in the sun if you want that?"
I did.
I was glad I got a table as it meant I was able to enjoy a delicious spanakopita (that was decidedly more pricey than the one I remember fondly eating in Greece for one Euro 90 cents) and an amazing Greek custard pie that I ordered to takeaway.
But as I sat there, soaking up an unseasonably warm Tasmanian afternoon, I could only conclude that it's not difficult to realise why people avoid dining alone like the plague.

Mini Me(al)

Apologies for the lack of blog updates, but I have a very good excuse: I've moved to Tassie.

Now, to turn to the art of the minature. Just as baby clothes have a way of prompting squeals of amazement and joy from middle-aged women, food on the itsy bitsy side make me go a little ga-ga.

Take this for example:

I'm no beer-drinker, but even I was tempted to get this 'tasting platter' from Zierholz in Canberra. I mean, too cute! And after trying these 60ml versions out you can choose a pint of your favourite to continue your merry way with.

Another minature serving that impressed, was the teeny tiny bottle of milk which comes with a cuppa at the Auction Rooms in North Melbourne. (Note: An awesome breaky venue). I like to think they have found a way to shrink normal-sized glassed bottles.... ah, let me dream.

Then, of course, there are those minature servings that come with any degustation menu.... though you know my feelings on those. So maybe it's just the drinks I like on the wee side. (No pun intended.)

Special April Guest: Fussy Fanny

Food lovers are a dime a dozen. This month, we hear from a much rarer breed: someone who doesn't like to cook, won't tune into MasterChef religiously and could think of a zillion things preferable to sitting down at the dining table to pig out....

I don’t like food.

There, I said it. And before you roll your eyes: no, I don’t have an eating disorder (although I have been accused of having a mental illness), any strange allergy and I am not obese. I’m just a fussy eater and don’t get the fasciation with food.

Let me explain myself. I’m a 30-year-old woman who has never really grown out of eating like a child. Foods I love include: McDonald’s, cheese and vegemite sandwiches, mashed potatoes and chicken twisties.

People are often shocked when I just look at a dish - be it lasagne, a greek salad or even good old pizza - and refuse to eat it. My reasons? I don’t like the look or smell of it.

But how can you say you don’t like it, if you haven’t tasted it, I hear you ask? Easy, I just don’t want to try it.

As you can probably imagine this has affected my life in many different ways. But to be honest, it usually upsets and angers friends and strangers a lot more than it does me. For example... Friend: ‘‘Hey guys, let's go and get Mexican for dinner!’’ Me: ‘‘No, I wont eat anything from there." Friend: ‘‘Indian?’’ Me: ‘‘Nope, nothing there either.’’ After the whole group of friends crack the poops with me, I’m usually dragged off to a restaurant where I don’t eat a single thing on the menu. Then, I get a large cheese burger meal (the only thing I eat from McDonalds) on the way home.

Over the years, I’ve offended my friend's Nonna after refusing to try her lasagne, had a mate accuse me of a being a burden on people and made a friend's new boyfriend cook a whole new batch of mashed potato after he dared to put garlic in the first dish.

Never has my strange ways with food affected me more than travelling overseas. Always weary not finding things I will like on menus during every trip I’ve ever been on, I pack my suitcase full of savoy biscuits and vegemite. Yes, I would much rather eat this than a traditional dish in Thailand, or frogs legs in France.

After befriending a Danish girl in the UK she took me home to meet her family. Her grandmother had a feast prepared for me, including a quiche, duck dish and desserts that I couldn't identify. I was horrified. The family spoke little English, so my friend translated that I wouldn’t eat anything. The Danish conversation went on for some time, with all of them looking at me shaking their heads. I imagine it was something about me being a ‘‘weirdo’’ or ‘‘ungrateful.’’ I sat there and ate nothing.

People are always saying to me: ‘But you don’t know what you are missing out on'. Well of course I don’t and probably never will, cos I’m not gonna try it!

A short list of some of the foods I don't eat:

• Pizza- (There is not one single flavour you could tempt me with.)


• Cheese - (Except for cheese slices...yes yes i know it is plastic...but i like it!)


• Salad (Except for beetroot. No tomato, no lettuce, no capiscum...none of it!)


• Coffee (Never tried it, but I even hate the smell.)


• Chinese broad beans (There is a strange tin of these on my desk as i write this... I will never eat them.)


• Stir Frys (I dont really like things all mixed together.)


• Sushi (I can't even look at it without wanting to throw up.)


• Chicken parma (I love schnitzel, but I hate all the stuff added to parma!)


• Pasta (I do not eat any other pasta except for Spag bol...)


• Curry (Under no circumstances do i eat curry... and don't try and trick me and put it in meals...I will know.)


• Garlic (See above!)


• Kebabs (I just dont like what they look like)


• Sour dough bread (This does not taste like white bread and quite frankly wreaks my meal when I order scrambled eggs and it comes out on this horrible bread.)


• Quiche lorraine (What is this anyway?)


• Fried Rice (Too many things i can't identify in this...)


• Capers (I only recently discovered these...but I will never eat them...)


• Kangaroo (come on....I mean...Skippy?)